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March 25th, 2007

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11:05 pm - My mom and things
Unfortunately, I was sick this week, which means I didn't really get to do what I wanted to do in honoring my mom's death anniversary. I did get to the cemetery today and leave a marker on the mausoleum with Glo and the munchkin, so that was ok, but I wasn't able to locate the grave of my godmother because it was muddy and a lot of the graves were overgrown. I am going to try to go back in a week or two and clean out a bunch of them, and maybe give some of the others that aren't visible a chance to shine in the sun once again. My goal was to take the two weeks between her birthday and when she died and clean the whole house so spotless that she'd want to come and visit us if she were alive. We are all so sick that I am now doing it from now til Easter, which was about the same time frame as before.

As time goes by, it gets weirder and weirder for me to think about, because what my life is now, is nothing like it was when she was here. I'd like to think that she would be happy with how my life is, but you never know with Moms. I'm sure I'm not living up to my potential, no duh, but I'm in a much better place emotionally than I had been throughout most of the 90's. I've only lost a few loved ones in the past 8-10 years, which has been a good thing for me, and I think that will help me when it happens again. 1993-1995 was a horrible time, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It fucked me up, and grew me up at the same time. I lost a lot then, but I've gained so much since all that other shit happened. I'm pretty sure she'd be happy that I no longer have hair down to my ass though!

The whole world is different now. I think my Mom would be amazed at what we've got. I didn't get internet until the end of 1994, and CD-ROM around the same time. Business has changed, politics has changed, the speed at which we live has gotten faster and faster. I think she'd be amazed that my dad has taken to computers as well has he has, he wouldn't even touch the IBM's we had in our business. Actually, I think that is one thing she'd really be amazed at is how much my dad has evolved. He's still a stubborn bastard (I'm a chip off the old block) but he has become more mellow in certain aspects, and is the perfect pepiere (grandfather) to my daughter. I remember the first time he signed a paycheck after my mom died, they told him that if they didn't know he was friends with the bank's president, they wouldn't have cashed his check, cuz I don't think he had signed one (or written one) in 25 years. He couldn't balance his companies books, or home finances. He knew who to ask though, and takes care of it all himself now.

Miss you Mom, and wish you had gotten to know Courtney, you'd have totally dug each other. Then again, you probably know all about her. You were very picky about my GF's but you'd have liked Glo, even though she's kind of a slob! You could tell when someone was genuine and caring toward me. Keep an eye on all of us if you could! Sometimes we could use it!

Krunchy (but Mom named me Derek!)
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Everybody's Trying to Be My Baby - Johnny Cash

(2 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:March 26th, 2007 03:07 pm (UTC)

thanks for the vote of confidence Babe, lol
[User Picture]
Date:March 29th, 2007 05:19 am (UTC)
RIP derek's mom.

i am sure she would be proud of you! and love gloria and courtney ALMOST as much as you do.
and i bet she is glowing with pride at your dad's being able to step up and take care of himself in the tech-age. she must have done something right to leave behind such fondness on your part.

huggs to you {{{{{{{{{{{derek}}}}}}}}}

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